i permit you to call me
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
