Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
