a queef is a wish your heart makes.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
