This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
