I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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