Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
