i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
