God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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