I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
