i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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