He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
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Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
