checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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