that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You pole danced in your parka.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
