I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
