tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So much Jack, so little girl.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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