The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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