i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
