This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
