apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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