We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
