areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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