The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
