I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
