Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
