I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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