: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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