The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
