no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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