Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
