i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
