I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Dignity is for republicans.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
