just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
