i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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