Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
