Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
