The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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