you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
