well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
