Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's shark week go big or go home
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
