No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
