Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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