none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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