tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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