Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
