Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
