im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
