what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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