I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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