It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
