before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
